Okay - so it's been a while since I've felt motivated to write anything. A really long time. But something struck me this morning that I wanted to write down. More just to document the thought, mull it over, and maybe get some other views on it.
I was driving to work, and there was this other car coming up behind me rather quickly. I was going to change lanes, but thought I'd wait until he passed. He seemed to be in a bigger hurry, and was driving pretty aggressively. I don't have much tolerance for aggressive (in my mind, rude, dismissive and selfish) drivers, so I let him pass. Then, out of the blue, it hit me... I think I equate aggressiveness with selfishness.
This makes total sense... I'm the oldest of about a thousand kids. Being selfish was not acceptable growing up. It was really impressed upon me that others always come first - take care of your siblings first. You're the oldest. Set an example. (I'm sure this is why I have such a disdain for every "reality" show out there. But that's a whole other (semi-related) topic.)
I think this also formed my attitude towards competition. I never excelled at sports or games. Even table games or cards. I've always been the designated looser. I never minded that role. I usually get a kick out of just watching others compete - getting aggressive with each other.
So... being aggressive and competitive = selfish? I don't know if that's really true, but it seems to reflect a little bit of my personality. Maybe I need to learn to competitively go after the things I want in life. Maybe I need to be okay with being a little aggressive.
Just a little.